...had the misfortune of picking
the most mommy hostile, kid friendly shopping cart in the entire stinking store?! You know the one... 2 big ole' seats with steering wheels, looks like a car but handles a lot like an RV, and veers
HARD to the left?! Well, I have!
I was hitting market number 2 - NO, not an extreme couponer, though I wish I was. They just happen to have different things and share a parking lot. I digress. Now, where was I ? Oh! I had finished up store one with relative ease considering I had 2 of the Nuggets with me. We were headed to the second store (the one with the free cookies - No way they would let me back out on that promise. I had used it like a zillion times in store one to get them to behave). Anyway, we head over and spot the
dreaded coveted car/cart!
Just freaking shoot me! I mean,
hooray!
It's the only one in sight, so initially I'm thinking it's a total score. I get just inside the doors and realize, such is NOT the case. This thing is pulling so hard to the left I am LITERALLY walking crooked - My buns were swung out to one side while my guns (
a girl can dream can't she?!) are flexed to the max just trying to keep this baby in the
road aisle! I paused, thought long and hard about what to do, may have even prayed for another one of these beasts to become available. But alas, it just wasn't happening, and I didn't have a hope that these kids were going to settle for the conventional wire cart like we had back in the day. BRATS! So, I decided it wouldn't be so bad once I got this puppy going. I was wrong. Dead wrong. It sucked the life out of me! I continued on my crooked way around the store pleading with the children to stay seated and wishing they might slide all the way to the right to help a sista out. But,
APPARENTLY, that was asking to much from my
selfish monsters little angels! ;)
There were times I wanted to turn back. Times when the nearly full basket didn't seem like too much to transfer. Even times when I thought the shrieks that would ensue after moving them to the regular cart wouldn't be as painful as every muscle in my body as I ambled up and down every blasted aisle! But, I just couldn't do that to them.
I could handle the pain! After all, their smiling faces and joyful giggles would make it all worth it. Oh wait, NO IT DIDN'T!
I could barely get through my list (yeah, I took a stab at organization today). My mind kept wandering. I imagined sparing some other mom this pain. I envisioned her bounding towards me with her two children in tow looking like she just won the shopping cart lottery. I would come up with some fabulous one liner about how she didn't want this cart. How, it was more trouble than it was worth. I might even come up with some great story for her kids so they didn't even want that lame car/cart. Yup. I was going to be her hero.
Then, I realized our timing might be off. I mean, she might not be coming until after I'm long gone. This called for something else. I knew just what to do. I would go to my car and pen a little note using my favorite eyeliner. Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures! I would stick it gingerly to the handle bar, warning her that this cart was pure evil. I would sign it "your welcome." And, I might even put a little smiley face on it. Nope. A
WINKING SMILEY FACE! Because, she would totally get it.
As my travels through the market continued, I began to get more bitter. Thoughts shifted, and I was now mentally fashioning a boot for this cart out of my hair clip, the gum I was furiously chewing, and a wire hanger I would borrow from the neighboring cleaner. I would be like MacGyver, saving the day for moms and dads everywhere!
Eventually, I abandoned my delusions of grandeur. And, by the end of my journey, I was in a dark place. Thoughts again shifted, and I'm pretty sure I could hear the tune
Damn It Feels Good to be a Gangsta in the background. I knew what I was going to have to do. I was going to have to toss this, THIS
THING in the back of the suburban and find a field. Yup. I was going to go Office Space on it's @$$. I was going to absolutely wreck this cart! Now, if you haven't seen this flick, then you're totally lost. But, if you have... Well, if you have, then you understand just how awful this particular wheeled torture device was! You understand why I dedicated an entire blog post just to bashing it! I mean, if a girl can't actually smash it, she might as well bash it in blog land, right??
Seriously giving thought to contacting management at the store. Not really my style, but this buggy must be put out of it's misery, it's taking the rest of us down with it.
This shopping trip wasn't totally devoid of amusement. In fact, Cam rather enjoyed one particular moment... As we were walking to the store, we happened to pass a liquor store with a picture of the St. Pauli Girl at toddler height (
What the?!). Cameron ran up to it and exclaimed at the top of his lungs "Look at deez! Look at deez!" Now, I can only imagine what "doze" were, but I have a pretty solid guess. Looking back, I can't help but picture how differently this scene would have gone down had his dad been with him. Rather than Cam being whisked away and ignored by a moderately amused and mildly embarrassed mama, I see the two of them pausing in stunned silence, Ryan nodding and slowly saying, "yes, son, look. at. doze..." MEN!
You'll have to excuse me while I hit the tub. I'm pretty sure I pulled something;)
